PK (preachers kid)

Mormon.
Whats your first thought that comes to mind?
For me, its what I grew up with. My teacher mentioned that there was a south park episode where it showed a mormon family all happy, which in most cases they are. That all they do is spend time with your family. And thats what the church wants you ton "conform" to, this fake love. I beleive in fake love and true love. Why force something like love, it only makes it worse. I grew up with my dad being a bishop in our church. I find it ironic how the church wants us to spend so much time with our families, that when they choose someone like my dad as an example for the others, we did no such thing. I never saw my dad because of his church obligations, I never saw my mom either, because they own a few businesses and she has to help out with a lot of them. Now we have been chosen to be an example for the others in our church to follow when we are so miserable. We were thrown into a fish bowl, for everyone to watch and follow what we were doing. The pressure was too much. I could not handle such a high stress position. Having so much expectations from others. Dont get me wrong, Im not a slacker by any means. I actually have a genuis IQ, and I can know everything in the world, yet I cannot figure people, their emotions, or even common sense. I am an overachiever. I was in every club, I played all the sports, I did it all throughout school. I was putting on this fake mask so no one could see what was going on. I didnt want anyone to. I just wanted to be left alone. But as soon as you start wanting the alone time, people crowd you more, asking annoying questions-why why why? Why not people? They chose my dad, not me. I started to fade away from the church. It just pushed me so much. Why would I want to be what they want me to be? I wasn't trying to be a rebel, I just wanted to be left alone, so I could figure my own shit out. Its not easy being a kid these days, add the stress and your screwed. My dad being bishop eventually screwed me up. We werent the perfect family. Our family has so many different backgrounds, heck, my brother is full Korean and Im white. Confusion is what I grew up with, and what I have today. Im just lost. My dad was very controlling, my mom showed no emotion, my brother was just dumb joe off to the side, in this particular enviroment, it made me who I am today. I have no idea who my real parents are, im adopted, and not knowing who I am brings more confusion. Im so sick of the uncertainty in my life. I wish the world didnt pressure us so much. I wish people could accept us for us. I wish love didnt hurt so fucking much. Theres something missing in my life, at such a young age, I constantly continue to fight a battle within myself. A battle I have lost to, several times. How hard is it to fill the void with someone or something that makes you truly happy, but yet, its hidden by the worlds labels and expectations...